All Hail , Geeks Fail

Kids are really getting smart these days. I remember my dad telling me "Son , when I was your age I scored 1st in the University .............with 72%". Well I beat my dad's score but in no way was that even close to topping the university. Fast forward to future and I can see that formal education is for those who score 95% and above ? Yea thank god I have graduated :)

So what will happen when we all turn into geeks .......eventually?


1. Star-trek will eventually become optional subject in the "Sci-fi Studies" department. Of course everyone will have 100% attendance.

2. Ragging will only consist of singing old romantic songs. Yea since this is in the future , old then will be the songs of the present.

3. Sales of spectacles and other such eye-aid are expected to rise by 1000%. Eye donors no longer exist.

4. Street fights will not allow the use of weapons nor fists. Only slaps , yes even for the guys.

5. New college that feature the "teacher-free" concept. Everyone studies on their own.

6. Microsoft sites will be hacked 24x7

7. Fashion will be out of fashion. The new way to make a fashion statement is by not to making one.

8. The library will finally be used for text book study and not practicals of anatomy.

Im sure theres a lot more to this , right now I have to go , Star-trek is starting in a minute.Cya.

How to save rainy day

Well since monsoon's already here in Mumbai and i know people forget to carry their rain gear , I thought why not a post some handy tips on how to save yourself from a drenched disaster.



The Spin-a-roo = Well this trick is theoretically possible. You spin on your toes at about a speed of 1000rpms or higher and the water automatically repels away.Do not forget to wear your dancing shoes !


Anti-Aids combo = Well this works like a 2 in 1. You get saved from the rain as well as educate people around you. Did you know extra large condoms can really be stretched?


Beat with Heat = This is for all those eager scientists waiting to make a new discovery. If you can generate enough heat within your body then the rain drops will just evaporate when it hits ya. And guess what you get a free dry cleaned pair of clothes with it !


Taxi Trickster = This is one of my personal favorites. You catch a cab , run around near your house in circles and wait for the cab to break down due to floods which happens 99% of the time. Then blame it on the cabbie for not being able to reach home safely , a few bad words here and there and you should be good to go !


Crime time = Kiss an unknown girl in front of a police officer, get caught and enjoy a pleasant rainy evening in the cell. Ask for 'pakodas' , play some cards get out as soon as the rain disappears.


Graveyard shift = Hunt for a funeral near buy and jump into the coffin with the body. It might not be a feasible solution but hey, at least it works !


Haul the Mall = This might be your best chance to get to know prices for each and every brand in the mall. Its very useful ,tell me which girl doesn't like a guy who knows the best offers in every mall ?


The Simpleton = Be nice to oldies around you, go and give them a hand in carrying that umbrella. I'm serious !

Famously Infamous

You know i though about it, where do all these big huge industries get their brand name from ? What is their inspiration ? After months of research (yea you guess it thats why my post took so long) I found out that their inspiration lies in the most simplest of things. Here are a few examples.

Microsoft = Bill Gates had a crow (don't tell me you didn't know that) and everyone used to comment that his crow was *soft* to touch.And he was pretty happy about it.So he eventually named his company "MyCrowSoft".

Ubisoft = It so happens that apparently Ubisoft was getting thrashed by Microsoft's entry in the industry. The owner didn't care about Bill Gates crow, he simply make it clear to him.He said "YouBeSoft" which gave him strength to try harder.

AT&T = These guys were really the bomb of their crowd. They where known to be big. They took being a bomb very literally hence named their company "A T.N.T". Pretty explosive eh ?

Lehman Brothers = Well this company was meant to be for the lay people of the world.The office culture was so strong and bonding, just like the love of brothers.They just couldn't find a better option than "Layman Brothers". You still find it hard to find chicks in such a manly place.

Cisco = Well this company has a very dark Indian past hidden behind its name.I would just like to ask you what do you feel with someone asks you "Sis Ko........ ?".

Infosys = Well as we all know Infosys is known for all its computer geeks. They were simply "InForSys". Unlucky chaps I feel its more like they are really in for a surprise.

Thoughtworks = This company was and I guess still is over ambitious. They thought it works and hence named its mistake "ThoughtWorks".

Yahoo = The people of this company really had a bad bitching habit. Anything that happened with anybody else they would ask "Ya?Who?". They still asking , but no one answers.

J.P. Morgan = This guy really wanted profit , I seriously mean profit. J.P. just wanted "MoreGain". Hes publicly asking for more now.

Wipro = These guys are uber professionals man. They sing a daily anthem that has a "WePro ! WePro ! WeProooooooo !" as the chorus.

I sure there are more of these inspirational companies around, keep em coming in my comments section :)
Oh and its good to be back !

New Age Game Features

Graphics Designers Vs Managers

The post that took a month

Well well welcome to yet another long awaited post of mine. Unfortunately a bug called Typhoid bit me bad, but i always love to find excuses as to why i don't POST. This is by far the lamest one but still a genuine one :)
My experiences wanted me to post something I thought of when I was in the doctor's den. Hope you like it.

Color Codes

Things you never want to hear from your doctor
Your thoughts after hearing them

• I hope you know the difference between Cancer and AIDS

*What difference does it make when both are as dangerous ?*

• Say "Aaaaaaaaaaa", ok now "Oooooooooo" , now "Uuuuuuuuuu", do "Mmmmmmmm" *turns to your parents* "Don't worry its a simple mental case."

*Am I at the right hospital ?*

• Do your parents know you smoke ?

*Damn why is he such a good doctor ?*

• Nurse get me a xenophobic dilator. Fast !

*Is that the new ipod killer everyone has been talking about ?*

• I want you to close your eyes and relax, while I check your external organs. Ok ?

*I wish the doctor was of the opposite sex, then maybe it wouldn't feel so weird*

• Are you feeling better now ?

*Now where is that patient who told the doc he felt better after taking 14 injections in his stomach ?*

• Is this a recent complaint or since childhood ?

*You just love blaming the genes just cause we will never know for sure*

• You can take him home now. Try to give him all what he asks for.......

*So how much time do i have left huh ? I better start making my list soon*

Quotes Qorner

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going,
But where does he go, I'm not knowing !



*Statutory Warning*
It was recently reported that my girlfriend is on the loose. She is well known for her possessiveness. She was last seen surfing my blog page. All are advised to avoid using adjectives like "cute/sweet/etc" while referring to me. Any other act of affection towards me could result in you posting your last comment.
Thank you !

Into the World of....

This post is dedicated to all World of Warcraft Players all over the world. All those who didn't understand the post, Please start playing WoW :P

You know you have been playing too much WoW when...........

• You reach late for college and blame it on lag.
• If your wearing low waist and your friends see things they are not supposed to, you convince them that it was a "Graphical glitch".
• You still deal in Gold, Silver and Copper.
• If someone else takes your belongings you start yelling "Don't pick my drops".
• Your best (and worst) pick up line becomes "Can I inspect you, without your items on ?"
  
• When picking a dish in a restaurant you ask the waiter if you will be "well fed".
• Any task given to you is a quest and must reward some experience points.
• You created an auto macro to sleep at night.
• When in a party, instead of asking people their name you ask their DPS.
• You point your finger everywhere just wishing it would turn into a "Mechanical Gear".
• You start attacking stray dogs just to increase your skill in unarmed.
• When going to a far away place, you ask your friends if the place a flight location there.
• Lastly, you enjoyed reading this.
  

The Future of Quotes

Hey people, sorry for the unintentional delay for my new post, but like always I try to come up with new things so i hope you enjoy this.

• Slow and steady wins the race, but carry some cash, just in case.
  
• Man propose, God dispose, and women simply expose.
• First come, first served , but some seats are always reserved.
• As you sow, so shall you reap, if it still doesn't work, learn to dig deep.
• Charity begins at home, and ends there as well.
• A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, if u manage to get more then keep it *shhh*.
• All that glitters is not gold, check if diamonds.
• Actions speak louder than words, like a fart that can actually be heard.
• Great minds think alike, not so great ones don't think.
• Jack of all trades master of none, but whats the fun, if you have just one.
• Look before you leap, "ouch ! that was steep".
• The err is human, to forgive divine, anything else is also fine.
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder, if you don't understand it please don't ponder.
  

Down at Dawn

Sorry folks, my net has been down since last year, 31st Dec to be precise but anyways finally got hold of a place from where i can safely access my account and post.


You know its the 31st of Dec when

• Everyone including the taxi and rickshaw drivers are dancing on the street while you wonder where is there so much traffic.
• Every teenage virgin, while dressing up says, "I might get lucky tonight !"
• All the oldies get drunk and give excuses like, "This could be my last new years". But it never is.....
• You see fireworks and ask your friend the time, and he says its not midnight yet. But you still start wishing people
• You never get through the numbers of people you really wanna call, but if you try you will always get through the people you might not have met for the past couple of years.
• You are caught for being drunk and riding a cycle.
• The people to get the maximum "tip" are the police.
• The lights go off at midnight,so you can have a moment with your partner,but you get hold of the wrong person.............of the same sex.
• Your favorite song is never played more than once, even if you request for it a hundred times.
• The first time you write the date in the new year is ALWAYS wrong.
• Instead of asking your friends which resolution are they making, you count how many they are breaking.
• My net is down.
  

*Happy new yEar*

Santa's Secret Clauses

Ho Ho hoe....
Ladies and Gentlemen presenting to you some of the secret pages from Santa's Diary

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(--The Who--)
(--The Wish--)
(-The Clause-)

The V.I.P. Wish list

• Osama Bin Laden - B19 Full Auto Bazooka

"Where do i drop it ? If the US troops cant find him how will an old man like me !"

• George W Bush - Entry into Al Qaeda

"I don't think security will allow me inside with Osama's bazooka still pending"

• Michael Jackson - A Painless Sex Change

"What if he mistakes me for an old kid"

• A Boy Band like Backstreet Boys - A Common girl to run after so they split

"I just hope none of them are gay"

• Bill Gates - Someone to compete with for the richest man in the world

"While competing he might just end up creating a new version Windows Xp-ensive"

• You - A Brain

"I gave them all away last year"

*merry Xmas*

Possible Perversion

I was really tired that night. I needed something to refresh myself. She was waiting for me in the shower. Seemed like she was calling out my name. I just could not resist her fragrance. So i gave in. I undressed her slowly and turned on the shower. Our bodies rubbed against each other. She started sweating. Inch by inch she was all over me. I just couldnt take it anymore, I was done. My hair was all messy.She looked weak, but im sure she would be ready again next morning. At this point of time I just felt that I should go out and tell everyone how much I enjoy having a bath with Lyril..............soap.

*Warning: This post in no way was intended to turn anyone on. I am in no way not to be held responsible for the wet dreams that you get after reading this.*

Fundamental Formule

Frankly its goona be really boring if I keep typing and you people just keep rolling your mortal eyes over faint visible text. So i pushed my thinking to the limit and decided to come up with a simple yet enjoyable and interactive game called "Formule"
I sure everyone remembers the "What do you get when" sections of popular magazines. On similar lines here we derive something from two other objects/animals/etc.

Eg.

A love story + A big ass ship accident = Titanic

A loaded shotgun + 1 = A hole in one




Rules:

1. You can post as a comment only one object/person at a time, whether it be on the left hand side of the equation or the right hand side resultant.
2. You cannot have two consecutive comment posts.
   
3. There should be a minimum of two objects on the left hand side before anyone can post a comment as the right hand resultant.
4. You may combine more than two objects or even then resultant of the previous comment.
   

Sexually explicit/Adult content may not be approved by all, excluding me.

Way of the Horse

People always find new methods of teaching. Teaching anything, including how to train a child to successfully " take a leak ". Its called potty training and i hope everyone who's reading this must have gone through it (and passed with flying colors, mine was faint yellow). I have noticed that parents always find it weird to refer to their sons lil wee-wee as anything but penis, even though its not such a big word to learn, they prefer giving it names. When i say names, it could range anything from animals to meaning less words or even Alfred E. Neuman for that matter. No its not a problem at all, but think about it. Some prefer calling it a Horse ? No, PETA wont have a problem, the real problem will be when your sons, for the first time, come across someone saying "Hold your Horses". Ouch ?

Quotes and Questions

Here is my small list of questions people ask me

Color Codes

(---what they ask---)
(--what they expect--)
(------what i say------)

So how are your exams going ?
Um ya well OK ..blah blah crap crap....
I don't know how they are going but i wish they would just Go away !


Do you do proteins ?
Oh yea well you know I'm really inspired by Salman khan.What a body man......
No man i don't DO Pro-teens, i prefer amateurs.


So who's the new chick in your life.
Well there is one but things are not happening.
My eggs never hatch in the refrigerator.You should get yours checked


Why does you grandmom sleep with the bed sheet over her head ?
Well i guess shes weird
Actually she is rehearsing for her cremation.

Houston we have a problem

Hey people I will be busy with my exams for a while, wish me luck :)
Enjoy this game till then.........
Will be back soon......with a bang, a bloggers promise :P

The Right Choice

People often ask me "Am I doing the right thing ?". My answer is always "Everything you do is right for you." And then starts the argument of How can i say that etc. People kill to survive, they, according to themselves are doing the right thing, the problem lies not in their understanding but of the fact that they are not exposed to other so called right options like work to earn and survive. Maybe no one ever gives them such an option. Always be selfish in thinking good for yourself, cause you never know what the other persons happiness lies in. Hence satisfy yourself before trying to handle someone else.


Todays Observations

• Every print ad these days seems to be for a condom or something. Even a product like a handbag has a semi nude couple beside it. Confusing the audience like this could result in some really silly situations. Imagine someone going to a chemist and asking V.I.P. condoms.
• Substances like glycerins are not meant to be eaten. If you accidentally do, get ready to have a really slippery/loose morning the next day.
• Lets start with another game I would call "Paradox". Lets see how many statements you find with a Paradox.
  

eg(s). 1) Everyone is unique, just like everyone else.
2)I'm lying right now

Re/Pro-active

Do you wait for a chance believing you will actually get one someday.Or do u take a chance so that you may not miss out on anything, risking the fact you may never ever get another one ? Wise is the man who thinks a million times before acting but a fool if after thinking so much doesn't do anything.So i say if you people think about doing something then better DO it.....if you didn't want to it wouldn't strike you ? Would it ?

Todays Observations

• Directors keep yelling take one/take two ....but never give anything :(
• Skulls are doctors pencil stands.Witch doctors that is :)
• Rolling your eyes helps in concentration. Not for you, but other people who concentrate on you wondering what is wrong with you :P
  

Finding Friendship

Apart from formal relationships like Parent-Child,Husband-Wife, Brother-Sister we also have other informal kind of relationships we call friendship.Friendship is not preplanned, it just happens. I think this relationship is better than any other relationship you will ever be in. Rather than being there for everyone just once, its better to be there for each one of our nearest and dearest friends whenever they might need us. I'm sure they feel the same way for you and have been there for you whether it be a bright sunny day,gloomy rains or even shivery winters.


Todays Observations*

• Sadly Indian girl names will never be used in English songs, so crap your dreams of singing an English song your girl friend(s). Or unless you know your foreign trade rules.
• You will understand why English films don't do so well in India when you see "The Lake House". A Love story at its best....no its nothing like a karan johar flick.
• Ok the last observation for today would be a game I like to call "Consequences". You begin with what/who i end. Only one verb allowed.

Eg.

Hen lays egg.

Egg cooked by Mom.
Mom falls from bed.
Bed....(OK i think i should stop cause a lot of things happen in bed)

So lets begin........

Angels fall from sky

*Some observations better understood by the Indian audience. If you need any further explanations please contact your local psycho-the-rapist.

Sympathy vs Empathy

Although both sympathy and empathy are a part of human feelings, one can be confused, which one he/she is experiencing. Sympathy is when you feel sorry for a person and don't know what it feels like to be in his/her position. Where as empathy goes way further than that. You understand the person as if actually you where in the same position as theirs. You feel what they feel. Share the feeling.


Todays Observations

• Philosophers just love to confuse us. They say "Everything that has a beginning.....has and end." and then they say "Every end is a new beginning." Like we got nothing better to do and keep revolving around their infinite loop of life.
• In the song "I like to move it", whats the it they are referring to ? Cause i like to put a LOT of things into motion :P
  
• People who flare their nostrils while laughing definitely will make others laugh. You will know when u see one.
  

Memory Manaic

Memory is a powerful tool. What we really want to remember maybe doesn't come to us when we need it to, but we do remember. Things that do not make much of a difference to us are easily forgotten. I know you wont believe me yet, but ask yourself how many times have you forgotten a family joke you last heard maybe 2-3 years back, how many times have you forgotten your school friends "funny" pet name even though your meeting him/her after 5+ years ? Humor tends to remain unforgotten. I guess because we enjoy it so much, we remember.


Todays Observations

• After 50 glasses of beer, it doesn't matter whether you see the glass as half empty or half full, what really matters if whether you can still see a glass or anything for that matter.
• Never examine a woman's handbag. Even if you manage to get past that unnoticed, never go and ask them "What do you do with so many extra long tissue packets ? ". You don't get extra long tissue packets.
  
• Its a bad time to drop the pressure or take a leak in your loo if you have a plumber working on it from the outside. I hope they are taught in training to "Expect the unexpected".